Baby Graham’s Birth Story

Okay! I think I have a couple minutes today where I can finally crank out Graham’s birth story!

Graham’s story really got set into motion on my last doctors appointment.  I was at 39 weeks and hadn't had many contractions that I could feel. I got checked by the doctor and I hadn't had any progress from my last appointment.  I was still dilated at a 2, which isn't too bad! At least I was somewhere.  My doctor gave me my options and let me know that he was happy to induce me anytime that I wanted from here on out or we could wait.  I could schedule a future appointment if I didn't have the baby by my due date and we could go from there.  I decided to wait because I really wanted to give my body a chance to go into labor on its own because Lucy came right on time and I had a feeling that this baby would too.

I got to the receptionist and pulled a complete 180 and told her I wanted to see my doctor quick to ask him a question.....I decided that I wanted to schedule an induction date and not wait to go past my due date.  Im not sure why, and I might never know, but it felt right.  The doctor assured me that being induced doesn't increase your odds of needing a c-section like most people say and that its a safe and normal option.  I really liked his calm and chill attitude and willingness to do whatever was best for me.

Fast forward to my due date which was 5 days later, and still wasn't having contractions and I was scheduled to be induced the next day!  I guess I was wrong about him coming on his own, he was so comfy in there, I was happy to have scheduled it because so many women in my doctors office were due at the same time and I didn't want to risk not having my awesome doctor. I was a bundle of nerves the night before.  I all of a sudden realized that things were going to be changing and that the next day I was going to have 2 kids!  My second little baby :)

THE DAY OF.....

Steve and I woke up at 5am to get ready for my 6:30am induction.  We got all checked in to the hospital, I didn't start the induction process till around 8:30/9:00 though.  My doctor started me on a pill placed in the cervix that helps thin the lining naturally and bring on contractions.  Thankfully when I got there they said I was already contracting on my own and dilated to a 3, I just couldn't feel the contractions yet.  The first pill helped dilate me to a 4 and then I was given a 2nd pill about 3 hours later.  By around 3:00pm my contractions had gotten really strong and It was time to get my epidural!  In hindsight....I should've gotten my epidural sooner because the pain was a little intense and it was really hard not to move.  This epidural took longer to get than with Lucy and took a couple tries.

P.s. While everything was happening throughout the day...Steve was writing name options for the nurses on the white board so they could vote for their favorite.  Some were real suggestions and others were made up by him lol examples are...Guy, Steve Jr, Graham, Fernando, Tate, and Carter
Ill leave you to decide what you think is real and made up by him haha

After getting my epidural my blood pressure dropped multiple times and unfortunately I threw up like 3 times.  This sounds worse than it was because I was on a liquid diet so it wasn't much.  The doctor came and checked me and I was at  6 and the baby was a little turned to his side so they gave me this thing called a "peanut ball" (its like a yoga ball but peanut shaped) to put between my legs.  I had it between my legs while I laid on my side (both sides for like 2 min).  This helps to straighten out the baby and quicken labor....and let me tell you...I went from a 6 to a full 10 in just 4 minutes and it was intense!  The nurses kept laughing at me because I was staring at my epidural drug button and every time it turned green I pressed the button to give myself more drugs.  The problem was....my legs were completely numb...but my lady parts were not D:  I could feel everything. At this point it was 5:00pm and the doctor thought we had about half an hour before the baby was going to come so he went to break another Lady's water in a neighboring room...I told him not to go because I was sure the baby was already coming haha but he said he'd be right back.  10 min later I couldn't hold the baby back and I felt the pressure of the baby coming.  The nurses rushed to get their gloves on and nervously awaited for the doctor to rush in.

It was seriously so dang painful to be able to feel the baby being born.  At one point I think I remember saying that I didn't wasn't to push haha.  Steve told me later that it was like a movie delivery with the screaming lady and everything lol thanks Steve.  I pushed twice and he was here! At 5:17pm I had my little boy, and it was like people told me...As soon as he was there with me, I knew his name.  He didn't look like anything except for a Graham.  Im so grateful for the fantastic doctors that I had the whole time and for the awesome medical student that I got to know throughout my doctors appointments and who helped deliver my baby.


HAVING 2 KIDS TODAY.....

The growing pains of having two kids has been hard.  I struggle to give Lucy the time and attention that she deserves while taking care of a little guy who needs me.  Being stuck at home has been difficult and Lucy often gets a little Stir crazy (I do too).   The first week of his life I kept waiting for it to feel normal to have two kids and kept wishing for him to grow quicker so that I could divide my time easier between my babies.

Fast forward to Graham being 3 weeks old and its starting to get a little easier.  Being sleep deprived never really gets easier but Steve and I are working to find a new groove.  We each take a kid and try to give Lucy quality time every day.  We know how to do things one handed more often while we get Lucy snacks and feed Graham at the same time.  Being able to breast feed hasn't been as stressful this time around and I cut myself a little more slack and give myself understanding when I need to supplement and give him some formula.  I know that he's going to be happy either way and more importantly he's full and healthy and being fed.  I look forward to when my kiddos can run and play together but Im trying to enjoy the moment more and enjoy little baby Graham while I can before he's a strong willed little boy who thinks he can do it all (*cough* strong willed like Lucy).

Given the choice again, I would choose to be induced all over again and I encourage you to do whats best for you too :)

Lost an Ovary but not my Faith

     I want to share with you a part of my life thats very personal.  I've read stories from sweet friends and know that they can be helpful to many other women but mostly I think this will help me to heal, help me to make sense of these past couple days that I haven't effectively been able to mourn through.
  Friday started just like any other day, playing with Lucy, doing chores around the house, making sure her needs are met.  I was suddenly met with the most intense serge of pain that i've ever felt, pulsing through my abdomen.  I've always been a really healthy person, perfect first pregnancy, no broken bones ever, never a concern for my personal health.  As soon as I felt this pain and realized I was home alone with Lucy, I felt hopeless.  I didn't want to be ridiculous and go to the hospital if I didn't need to and there was no way I could make it to the car with her.  Then I had a panic attack.  I started sweating profusely, my breathing increased rapidly, and my hands seized up and I couldn't move them from the new misshapen form they had taken on.  I knew it was time to call Steve.
    Steve had been out that day working with his father and their last client had cancelled their appointment so he was already on his way home and was there for me in just a few minutes, but those moments felt like forever.  Lucy was crawling on my lap trying to figure out what was wrong with me and started crying when I couldn't hold her.  Im so grateful that my father-in-law was there.  He stayed with Lucy so Steve could take me to a nearby urgent care facility.
     We arrived at the urgent care and were admitted quickly.  One of the first questions they asked.....are you pregnant?  Well, a little known fact by many, Steve and I have been trying to have another baby for the past 7 months with no luck.  I used to think that if you could have one baby so easily that somehow meant the trend would continue and we'd have no problem having another whenever we wanted another.  Ive since learned that the female body is so amazingly complicated and that every birth is simply a miracle, be it a perfect pregnancy, or a perfectly painful one.
       So back to the question, I had told the doctor we were trying but having trouble so that I didn't think I could be.  Turns out, I was pregnant.  They ran some blood work and found out I was very early in the pregnancy only about 3 weeks, but the pain I was having was concerning, it could be completely unrelated to the pregnancy or the pregnancy could be the cause.  I had several tests and ultrasounds done and it was found that something (blood) was pooling in the left ovary.  We were praying that because the baby was so new and so small that that it could have been a cyst or something like that, that had ruptured and was causing blood to enter into my stomach.  I wanted this baby so badly but I knew I couldn't let myself hope just quite yet.
     I was then transferred via ambulance to a different hospital with gynecologist specialists that had better equipment for tests that could give us more answers.  By this time I was tested more and the testing lasted from 3pm to 11:30pm at night.  More and more ultra sounds, pelvic exams, everything that women have to but don't love to endure.
     A doctor came into the room, I was hopeful at this point, it could have been my exhaustion but I felt at peace.  It was the only news I didn't want to hear.  It was an ectopic pregnancy.  Instantly my heart sank, the tears came, but the relief I longed for to cry and mourn could not come due to the severe pain that I was still overcome with.  My sadness was silent and my heart was broken as I looked over at my sweet husband who was in just as much pain as I was over the news.
     For those who don't know, and ectopic pregnancy is when the baby is growing in the wrong place.  The place where they normally take up residency in an ectopic is in the fallopian tubes which causes severe risk for the mother to bleed out, go into shock, and die.  I knew at that moment that even if I came out of everything okay, my baby that I longed for would not be saved.
     I was prepped for surgery.  None of my ultra sounds showed where the baby was so I was put to sleep with breathing tubes and all of the works.  I had two amazing female surgeons that I put all of my faith into, being surrounded by these strong females who would be responsible for my life gave me comfort.  I knew that I was going to be okay.  Their dedication, love, and care can never be equaled in my lifetime.  After I was asleep a small incision was made in my stomach and a camera was placed inside to look around for the baby and once they found it they would proceed with the surgery to remove the pregnancy.
   In most common cases a small incision can be made in the fallopian tube and the pregnancy can be removed, or a portion of the tube is removed along with the pregnancy.  In rare cases the baby will be growing on the Ovary which is even less favorable and the ovary will need to be removed.  I was prepared to know all of the possible outcomes as well as the possibility of a blood transfusion.
     An hour and a half later I woke up having lost both my sweet baby and, to my surprise, my ovary and in their words "a bottle of wine full" of blood.  I desperately tried to work my way out of my anesthesia which was just about impossible when mixed with my complete exhaustion at 4am.  And was amazingly allowed to go home that same night.  I fell asleep right away and tried to let my 3 small incisions heal along with my mind.
     This mourning process has been hard for me.  I feel like I robbed myself of the chance to get through all of the many emotions stuck inside me due to my need to stay logical in situations like these.  The only way I can make it through hard times is for me to think about the facts and to accept them.  I thought at the end of this after giving myself time to think it through...I would be bitter and angry and hurt.  My faith would be struggling more than it already was with the many unanswered questions that plagued me.   Somehow this was not the case.
    I felt blessed.  My husband was able to be by my side almost instantly and found me and held me and got me to the ER, my husbands mom and dad stayed with Lucy till 5am and loved her and took care of her and made sure she was happy and in bed, my parents and nana stayed up very late praying for me and sending me love all through the night, my doctors were the very best and even though I lost a considerable amount of blood, I didn't need a transfusion and was able to go home to heal in my own home, I am alive.   I remind myself that I belong to this community of women who struggle and cry and mourn for children they have never met.  My pain is not my own.  It is shared by my husband, my sisters, my friends, and a Savior who loves me and guides me through my pain and pulls me out of the dark.
     My recovery will be quick, I still have another ovary, ill be able to someday be pregnant again, and I am lucky, and not just lucky but blessed.
     

No More Mommy Blogs

    I haven't written a blog post in a long time and i've been having topics swarming around in my mind for so long that my mind is becoming far too cluttered to ignore them anymore!  As I've been trying to prepare myself to be a parent and the best mom that I can be....not the best mom in the world, because that's pretty unrealistic, but the best mom that I can be i've been a little overwhelmed to say the least.  I think all of us new mom's and mom's to be naturally feel this anxiety, and have some sort of desire to cram every kind of baby knowledge goodness into our brains in the quickest amount of time so that we can be ready RIGHT when our babies enter into this scary world.  (or maybe i'm the only slightly looney one out there)
     In preparation for little baby H I've read parenting books galore, taken baby classes from the local women's clinic, and have prayed to the heavens that I don't mentally scar my first born in the trial and error process of becoming a first time mom.  Every time I start to feel a little more comfortable with the idea of bringing my sweet little girl into this world I read a fun and insightful mommy blog on Facebook and feel instant confusion and unease again!  I hear story upon story, warning upon warning of baby horror stories...of do's and don'ts...and what scares me the most is that they all seem to have an interesting and valid point of view.  Surely they are all so conflicting that they all can't be right! Don't get me wrong, I love advice from my family and friends the problem isn't that I don't like what they have to say....the problem is that I like what ALL of them have to say!
    Through all of the confusion i'm lucky to have a smart and helpful husband.  I've decided not to read any more of those interesting looking mommy blogs and articles that litter my Facebook (well isn't this just another mommy blog about mommy blogs, how hypocritical Kelsey!), nono this is a blog about not reading mommy blogs...totally different ;) I can't believe everything I read and every piece of advice I hear because soon ill just go completely bonkers.  I have to believe that my husband and I will find our own method of madness and that our little girl will love us all the same...the truth is that all of those blogs were right...They were right for those mom's SPECIFIC children, but my children will be different.  My children will need my method, and that's gotta be good enough for me.

ADHD and the DSM

    There are serious cases of people out there who need medicine and medical attention.  However, that being said, if there's one thing that i've learned so far in my psychology classes and in my culture and gender class this semester, its that it is far to easy to go to the doctor and answer 5 questions and walk out with a prescription for whatever ails you (kids in my class have gone to the local doctor and tested this.) 

     Lets take the specific diagnosis of ADD or ADHD for example, have you ever read the DSM's

(The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) criteria for this disorder? Here...i'll paste it below so you can take a look at it...

1. Inattention: Six or more symptoms of inattention for children up to age 16, or five or more for adolescents 17 and older and adults; symptoms of inattention have been present for at least 6 months, and they are inappropriate for developmental level:
• Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or with other activities.
• Often has trouble holding attention on tasks or play activities.
• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
• Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked).
• Often has trouble organizing tasks and activities.
• Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
• Often loses things necessary for tasks and activities (e.g. school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones).
• Is often easily distracted
• Is often forgetful in daily activities.

.....If you take a look at this and then assume that a "normal child" is the opposite of a child fitting these criteria for a child with ADHD then you would be saying that a healthy child: Does not make careless mistakes on their homework, pays good attention in their activities and tasks at hand, pays attention whenever you are speaking to them, always completes homework and chores, is well organized, likes participating in activities that require mental effort for extended periods of time, does not lose their toys/shoes/pencils, and is not distracted or forgetful.....how is this realistic for any child from 4 to 16 years of age?

       Also....we need to define the word "often"......what is often?? After reading these symptoms I'm convinced that I have ADHD.....who can blame a young child for not always wanting to sit still for a 7 hour period of school.  We also commonly say that our children are "suffering from ADHD"....really? are they the ones running around and energetically "suffering" from ADHD or are the ones that are suffering school teachers and parents with especially rambunctious little ones?

I am positive that there are children out there who need medicine for this disorder...what I am not positive of however is that every child who might fit this criteria "has a problem."  The medicine that we give our children has a lasting and scary effect on them and if not given correctly could be harmful.  I only write about this because, what if my children are a crazy ball of energy and I have a teacher that comes up to me and tells me they have ADHD? ...Do I medicate my child because they don't fit the mold of what society deems as "normal or appropriate" in certain social settings.  

I still don't have the answer on what I would do....but I do know that if you went into the doctors office with a common cold you could fit a ton of the criteria for having depression and come away with medicine for it.  Is it too easy to get medicine, and is it even the doctor's fault?  We pay them to make us better and thats all that they're trying to do. I guess what my point of view is...we have to find the balance between believing any diagnosis we are given and knowing when we actually need help.  The DMS is not the medical bible, you can't just read it and diagnose yourself or others with a disorder. 

Cheers!

Here's to celebrating our differences! This blog has talked about parenting principals and techniques that I have learned over the past semester.  There are so many more applications and principals out there that I have not even touched on or learned about.  How will I keep learning about them without my parenting class when the semester comes to an end!?!

Here's to my examples...the people who I would be lucky to become and learn from.

My sisters.

And my mothers! 

     These women know how to love unconditionally.  They all parent differently and they're all doing it right!  All of their children are different so why wouldn't they all use different applications?!  Sure I liked a lot of the techniques I learned about in class this semester, but that doesn't mean I'm crazy enough to think that everything is going to work out perfectly just as i've written it.  Children have individual spirits that have individual needs. Our differences are what will make us the best moms for our children!  Here's to celebrating our different views and respecting each other as women in the kingdom! I love you all! 

Competent Giants

This Blog post is about how we talk to children.  This includes our tone of voice and comments made on their character.  We did an exercise in class where a student stood on a chair and hovered over us and gave us a tongue lashing!  I instantly felt small, and ashamed, judged, confused, angry, embarrassed, and a handful of other emotions that i'm sure children experience when we as adults reprimand them.

I know that children make mistakes and sometimes are pretty naughty and need a little reprimanding. I suggest that we make sure not to attack their character and attribute it to their actions.  I wasn't quite sure how to say this in my own words but we watched a video that I think says it much better than I could have.  Please take a look!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csj04h3zpFo

This is a pretty short post but I think the video speaks for itself.  Treat our children how we would treat our guests.  When they make mistakes help them!  When one of my classmates was hovering over me I was instantly afraid and wanted out of that situation.  I can't image this would be a very effective way to help children learn.  I feel like it would be better to get on their level and talk to them like they're a human being.  Just a thought.

Letting Kids Be Kids

     This blog post is a little near and dear to me.  As we talked about this concept of Parentification in class today it really struck a cord in my heart and pulled at my strings a little.  Parentification is when you have a mom and a dad in a parental subsystem.  In a normal family unit they are the head of the house and have a relationship separate from the children.  In parentification there are sometimes circumstances where the child is brought up and out of their role and is included into the parent adult world.
     This isn't always a bad thing, sometimes children can bring good things to the table but most of the time this can make the child feel a lot of responsibility and stress for matters that they should not be a part of at a young age.

Here is a list of some things that I feel children shouldn't have to deal with while growing up:

• Financial Stress of the Family
• One Parent Venting about the Other 
• Any form of Marital Issues Going On 
• Parent's Job Stress 
• And anything else you might think of that is individual to your family that might inappropriately stress out your little one.

Security and consistency is important for children. These issues listed up above if felt by the child make them grow up so quickly.  They feel the burden of adult responsibilities that should be talked about between the husband and wife...not with the child.  Help you kids, enjoy being kids. 

     It is understandable how this parentification might occur in your family.  When an individual feels stressed the most common way for them to try to release some of that stress is for them to bring other people in on the stress to share the burden.  Somehow this never fails to lesson your individual stress. It is good to learn some better support systems.  You have that spouse there to help and council with.  Try to strengthen that relationship and use them as your partner to discuss concerns with rather than using your child as your first line of defense.  You might not see the effects that this could have on your child right away, but they are very likely to resurface later in life.  

     If this sounds familiar to you, if you might have experienced this growing up.  It can be undone.  It might be difficult, but I loved talked about Contextual Therapy in class.  It is okay to feel upset about experiencing this as a child, it might be normal to feel like you missed out on something, but you need to work on forgiving your parents for this.  The ability to forgive can be found by looking at your parents through a bigger aperture, by looking at them in their full context.  Look at your mom or dad through the generations by which they were raised.  Through the generations that influenced them in influencing you and forgive them of this.  We all have a reason (even if it is buried somewhere deep within us) for why we handle situations in the way that we do.  Forgiveness is the only answer to finding solace.  Instead of looking at what you might have missed out, look within yourself to find what you can improve upon from how you were influenced.  The next generation can be different.

p.s. I forgot to mention that it is also important to still hear your child's voice and to involve them in family councils and decisions.  They should not feel that they are responsible for the whole adult decision, but they can feel like their opinion matters in your ultimate choice.  Family budgeting is great! But don't make your child worry if you are in a financially hard spot, that is an adult concern, along with any marital issues.