Helping things go right.

   This blog post is a little more reflective than my other posts about parenting.  I want to make it a point to mention that the point of my posts is not to point a finger at certain parents or to tell them that they are bad at raising their children because they don't follow the ideals that Im writing about.  These are all just ideas.  Hypothetical ideas at that, seeing as how I'm not a momma yet.  But hey, someday I will be, and i'm married so sometimes I feel like a mom with my very playful and cute husband ;P Its never a bad idea to gain some new information and to take a look at concepts in a new and sometimes puzzling way.

     I really liked this quote from the book I am currently reading: "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. "It is easy for most of us to observe Bad Parenting on Parade, to watch people who are much more controlling than we are, and to take comfort from saying, "At least i'd never do that." But the real challenge is to reflect on the things we have been known to do and ask weather they're really in our child's best interest." All i'm really asking is that we take some time to reflect. 

     This quote takes me into my thought of the week.....how much control is too much control? Where do we find the balance?  We want our children to do what they're told but not because we as parents are demanding and authoritarian, but because our children have a warm and respectful relationship with us.  I believe that's when it all works best.  I like to think of how it works with my Heavenly Father.  I do what is right and follow the teachings of the gospel because of the love that I have for it and for Him in my life.  I don't think my obedience would be as lasting if it was done out of fear or destain.  

     Lets get real though, everyone gives in to the urge to over control their lives at least once in a while.  I know I do.  Those moments where I try to over control my life and manage every minute of it are usually the moments when i'm headed toward a breakdown!  When I let go and take a deep breath and become more willing to go with the flow, things run much more smoothly.  I think sometimes parenting will be like this.  I like my rules, but i'm fully aware that i'm going to need to let go of some of that when my little divine child needs me to cater to his/her specific needs. 

     We can all actually save a little time from discipling our children and trying to "control" them by just taking the time to teach them well right from the start. 

"Whatever our individual circumstances with our children, the key to effective parenting is to reverse the order of expenditure of time and energy.  It is to begin focusing our energy on helping things go right, rather than on handling them once they have gone wrong."  

This quote goes along with a story I read about a father and his sons.  He found out his sons were going to a pool hall after school to hangout.  He was worried right off the bat that this was a bad environment and was thinking of pouncing on them when they got home and forbidding them to go back into that place.  Instead he thought about it and cleared his friday's for the next month.  He took time and went with his sons to the pool hall to play pool every friday.  Then when he suggested that they find a new activity so that they wouldn't smell like a smokehouse whenever they came home from there, they agreed.  He took the time to spend time with his sons before an issue had even emerged and saved time that he later might have had to use "correcting" his children's mistakes.  

I'm not saying I'm unwilling to spend time helping my children recover after they make unwise choices, but i'm hoping that by being aware of different ways that I can balance my parenting control and discipline that this will hopefully give my children and I some great teaching moments.  I hope I can learn from them and that they can learn from me.  I wish to build a great mutual respect with them.  ....Here's to being hopeful for what the future can bring, I don't want to be fearful of everything that can go wrong and become over controlling, I just want to work on trying to help things to go right instead.